Between "No Longer" & "Not Yet"

@RedMountainSpa
By Life Coach Cindy Clemens

Recently I listened to a CD of Joan Borysenko’s in which she was describing being “between no longer and not yet” to describe how it feels when we leave behind what is not working in our lives and are waiting for a new path or goal to materialize. This really resonated with me. I have been there, and I know it can be a challenging, frustrating and even dark time. Although we may be tempted to turn around and go back to "no longer," that is not really even an option. If we try and go back, it will feel as if we are putting on clothes that no longer fit. The poor fit will be an obvious and constant reminder that we need to move forward. The challenge is to accept our time in the space between "no longer" and "not yet" and allow the next chapter of life to unfold. Here is what I have learned about making it through these life layovers.

First, it does help to acknowledge that you are in this space – one foot out of your old life and not clear about how the new life will look and feel. Just being able to say – “I am between no longer and not yet” reminds you that you are progressing toward a destination. You’ve had the courage to identify what needs to change and are committed to creating a life that better serves you. It also allows you to voice what you are experiencing and share it with others. You will be surprised how much other people will understand and have their own stories about this unsettling but critical time in life. Knowing you are not alone and hearing how this phase is a normal part of the growth process allows you to relax, take a deep breath, and know this too shall pass.

Second, keep a record of your “ah-ha” moments that led you to decide you needed to make a change and explore new life options. You can do this in a journal, notebook or computer file. Review these memories when you are feeling weak, confused and tempted to go back to no longer. They will speak to your heart and reconnect you with your wise, inner voice.

Finally, try and remember to enjoy all aspects of the journey, even the times that feel unsettling. When I was first building my coaching practice, I had quite a bit of free time. Friends would call for an impromptu hike or to play golf and I had the time and could say yes. My judgment committee tried to tell me I did not deserve to play if my business was not yet fully developed. I remember telling myself to stop listening to that nonsense, that there would come a time when my work would be plenty full and I would long for time to be able to play with my friends. I reminded myself to enjoy this early phase of building my business. Now that I am quite a bit busier and often have to decline my friends’ invitations, I chuckle and am glad I did enjoy those times when I could say yes to them. Every phase of life can be savored if we learn to trust that we are exactly where we are supposed to be. And, sometimes we are supposed to be between "no longer" and "not yet!"