By Cindy Clemens, Life Coach
Isn’t it interesting that whenever we are faced with choosing a new direction in life, whether it is a career change, a new relationship or even a healthier lifestyle, we seem to focus most of our thoughts on all the things that might go wrong and the reasons why it won’t be successful.
I am continually amazed by the conversations I have with clients where they spend five minutes describing what they really want to have more of in life, but then they spend the next 30 minutes explaining all the reasons it won’t or can’t happen. When I notice this happening, I stop them and ask them to tell me about what it would be like if it did work out, if they could have the new job or the relationship did work out.
I am not saying that we should all be Pollyannas and ignore the challenges or obstacles we face when breaking through new ground. But, we need to spend more time thinking about, visualizing and feeling how it will be if things work out than we do on the excuses, fears and possible negative outcomes. Let me give you two recent examples of this.
One of my clients is looking at leaving the safety and comfort of a secure government job to take a new job with the private sector. He had lots of reasons why this could be a risky financial move, why he was worried about disappointing his current boss, and how his father would not understand his taking this chance. After listening to him paint a picture about why it might not work out, I then asked him if he had spent any time thinking about what it would be like if the new position worked out positively. His voice changed – he became very animated, explaining that he knew he could work less hours, make more money, test drive his ambition to run for public office, and even imagine bringing his wife into the new work to create their own consulting business. I urged him to write those very exciting reasons down and keep then visible so when the fears and doubts crept in, he could switch gears and focus on the very realistic picture of what it could look like.
Another client was filling me in on a new romantic relationship. This was an old boyfriend from twenty years ago who had reappeared in her life by surprise. Because she had broken off their relationship in the past, she was worried that if they got involved again, she would once again want to break things off and end up hurting him all over. Plus, she was concerned that because she had changed a lot in the last twenty years, it would be like going backwards in life. I asked her if she had given any thought to the possibility that he had changed as well, and they might forge a new relationship based on who they both were now. Perhaps it could be a fresh beginning. She agreed to stop fixating on what might go wrong and experience him as he is now, with an eye toward creating something new.
If you are finding yourself wanting to take some forward motion in life but getting stuck in how it might not work out and why it won’t happen, try switching gears. Spend some time immersed in what it could be like if it did work out positively. Once you start to see it and believe it, you will send out possibility energy. And that possibility energy will attract the resources you will need to manifest your heart’s desires. It’s up to you!
Cindy can help you find your life direction at a Life Compass or Release & Renew retreat at Red Mountain Resort & Spa.
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